Picking the Pieces
by N3L
Summary: Skye was the unexpected variable brought onto her carefully planned out equation in protecting the one and only Phillip J. Coulson. Speculation of Agent May's thought processes. Sprinkled with just a little Phil & Melinda interaction.


**Picking the Pieces**

* * *

><p>Really, it was a bit of a reflex. Trust was always hard-earned with her and it wasn't going to change anytime soon with this girl. This young girl who had only become a woman not too long ago.<p>

She saw courage in her from the very beginning though - that much is true. This girl is brave and she is capable. But trustworthy? She would have to lean on Coulson's gut for these things. With time she could tell, but at this moment there was something about her that she wasn't too keen on. It took her two days with her aboard the bus for her to figure it out: she reminded of herself when she was younger. She didn't like it. It reminded her of Phil how would look at her in the months following Bahrain. The mixture of confusion and disappointment and hurt of why she was shutting him out. The searching in his eyes for the person that she was before.

She wondered if Phil thought the same thing. Scratch that, she didn't want to know. (He probably thought the same. She didn't really need to ask to know.)

It wasn't just the broad subject of her youth that embodied it, as neither Fitz-Simmons managed to have such an effect on her. And they reminded her of fidgety excited doe. Brilliant and prodigal, smarter than she could ever be in some things and all the while incredibly endearing, but young bright-eyed doe nonetheless. They are enthusiastic and eager to try out their wobbly knees fresh from Academy. She hopes that the journey ahead of them won't get rough too soon and too fast for these wobbly limbs to conquer.

At least the specialist was simple. He came stamped from a cookie-cutter. Bit rough around the edges maybe. But still easy. She could smooth them out.

But there was something else about this girl. Something that Phil could see clearly with those thinking eyes of his, but she could only feel the shadow of right now. Skye is young, but her life has not been easy, and she is perhaps a little too smart for her own good. She's a survivor, just like her, that much is obvious. She can see that the girl is stubborn and wanting. And of course, _lost_, which is has become the quite the kicker with Phil. He was always the type of man to pick up things that needed a little bit of mending, a little bit of patience. His little souvenirs, Lola among many others to name, and now Skye. But ever since his resurrection, that little impulse of his seems to have come back with a vengeance. May thinks it has to do with the fact that he himself has returned from the dead. She doesn't mention it to him but merely watches. She wonders what else has changed. Melinda May is not naive enough to think that this man who she has known for so long, now directly her superior in this plane, is the very same one she'd met in their days at the Academy. Whatever brought him back, what ever he was put through must have wrought change. But as she observes him interact with this young girl who is a little too smart for her own good, she stills her face at this unknown variable brought into her carefully calculated equation. It is just on the tip of her tongue, and she fully realizes the extent of why Skye first rubs her the wrong way when she first meets her, other than the obvious.

Skye had this contagious quality that is quite rare in a person. This girl had a way of getting under your skin without even meaning to with her tenacious and ever so casual hope.

May didn't feel like catching that quality of hope anymore. And it was especially dangerous because she wasn't sure if Skye was trustworthy yet. But there it was, she could already feel herself wanting to care for her, getting underneath her skin if May wasn't careful. She felt too old to be hoping in that quality. It felt like trying to re-grow an organ. There are things she puts trust in, few things, and fewer people but that was all she needed now. Right now she is a woman on a mission who has been given a second chance and she is going to let nothing take it away from her iron grip. It is a privilege that is more than most people get. Phil is alive again, and right now May hasn't yet made up her mind about whether or not this girl would complicate his chances in this second life. She doesn't like it one bit. The girl may be lost, but May can spy the drive in her that would definitely complicate things in the future if she were to turn her dedication somewhere else. So she'd better make up her mind now where she belongs and _why. _The longer she hung around, the harder and more disastrous things could get.

"You need to decide why you're here. We're on a mission, and if you can't put aside your personal attachments, then you _shouldn't be here."_

For now, she will trust in Phil's judgment and borrow it. But she wasn't going to passively sit on it and wait. Thankfully her little push gave the best results possible when Coulson was taken.

A small breath of relief exits her when Phil is back. But the cost of hearing him begging to die is heart-breaking. And May wonders if she will have the strength to do what Fury is asking of her.

But then it doesn't matter, because she will do anything to protect him.

This tenacious quality of Skye's really hits her when Phil comes to her to tell her about how the young woman reacted to her gruesome (May knows this is an even bigger variable that she will have to deal with in the future) of her past. It is that unrelenting and contagiously casual hope that behind Phil's eyes and it is then that Agent Melinda May realizes she is torn on the inside. Skye will be good for the team, green as she is, untrained as she is and risky as she is. The girl has gotten underneath his skin. But Skye has come through and proved herself. The tears on her face as she found Coulson within that machine tell her that Skye genuinely cares for Coulson, and that is all that May needed. The girl will be good for Phil. Perhaps that last bit is a little bit difficult to admit. Because May so desperately wants to protect him. But since it has become clear, Agent May has made up her mind that Skye is part of the team and will be staying.

"Here I am, telling her something that could destroy her faith in humanity and somehow, she manages to repair a little piece of _mine_."

His eyes. It breaks what heart she allows herself even though she is glad at the same time. May is feeling guilty because she knows she has not added to his faith by shutting him out. But hopefully, she can make up for that once and for all. It is good that Skye is here. And that look in Phil's eyes is something she hasn't seen in such a long time. (She realizes that that is something that she can't give it to him, at least not anymore, which hurts just a little bit if she lets it.) It helps that she's the driver, and that the cockpit is seldom disturbed. It helps that her role has been cut out for her.

Yes, it is good that Skye is here. Skye will do things that she cannot.

And for now, May will keep all of them safe, these little pieces that are awkward and bumbling but slowly coming together to become a fluid functioning whole.

May stills her face with Coulson's awe-filled statement. It is silly. She almost finds herself envious. Almost. But that is not who she is anymore, and that is not something she can return to. (It's not possible. Especially after Bahrain. No, not anymore.) But she can appreciate that a part of Phil has been repaired that Fury couldn't reach, and she is thankful that this second life has given him something in return.

She is a dedicated agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. She has orders to follow. She is thankful that Fury came to her with this mission. She will trust herself and this system. She will protect this team that will help her protect their leader. She will protect Phillip J. Coulson. Melinda Qiaolian May is no longer young, she has been a woman for long, and she is certainly not casual or too hopefully really in any much way now. Whereas Skye still chases the truth in the darkness, Melinda has seen much of the monstrosities that the shadows have to offer. Unfortunately, they are all too real, and come to visit her all too often at night.

She is Agent May first. She is Melinda second. (But really, she's lying to herself about this, because the reason for taking this mission is the core of Melinda and he's been given a second chance along with her.)

"It's amazing," he breathes out, that sense of wonder alive in his eyes.

She only nods, "She is." The poor girl. But she will persevere.

He gives a small weak smile, "The exuberance of youth."

The glimmer in his eyes grow dark, and it's something Melinda doesn't appreciate and she presses her lips together. "Reminiscing?"

"Not exactly." He pauses, "I can't tell between whether or not I'm just getting old or getting bitter."

Her even gaze lands him square in the face pointedly, then traverses his laugh-lines and the crinkling of the beginnings of his crow's feet to the subtle changes she's seeing in him since he'd returned from the dead. "Neither. And both."

That weak little smile stays on his lips, and Melinda's running through all the various scenarios in her head to find the best way to fix it. She finds the truth and relays it to him with a sigh, "It's not bitterness – you just know better than most. You are the most hopeful person I know, Phil."

She pauses with a tilt of her head, "Along with having the most toys."

His smile shifts into something stronger and more genuine, and she is glad.

Another point comes to her, "Well, except for Stark."

"His suits don't compare to Lola."

She shoots him a look.

Coulson backs up, torn and offended, "_Lola is irreplaceable."_

Melinda May's eyebrow slowly drifts up.

Agent Coulson narrows his eyes at her and steels his resolve.

Seconds pass.

He loses.

She can't help but quirk her lips up and dips her head in acknowledgement, "Lola will always be more."

His lips pull to one side guiltily, "It would be cool to have one of those suits though."

Agent May rolls her eyes.

The things she does for this idiot.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I just got into this fandom. And this is all speculation is taken from what was presented in the television series. The interactions between these two characters fascinate me and I hope I did alright with this. <strong>


End file.
